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Are YOU a Munchkin?

Compiled by Bill Wilson wildwood72@pipeline.com- last change 09/27/96


The Munchkin Test

I think that, with the word "munchkin" tossed around so much, we need a few guidelines to determine who the munchkins actually are. How about these (note that comments enclosed in "***" are comments that were made at a later time):



(1) You are NOT a munchkin if you roll 3d6 for stats.
You MAY be a munchkin if you roll 4d6 and drop the lowest.
You ARE a munchkin if you roll 4d6 and keep *all four*.


***So where does that leave my 5d6 discard lowest system then?***


(2) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a fighter with a normal sword.
You MAY be a munchkin if you play a fighter with a +5 sword.
You ARE a munchkin if you play a *thief* with a +5 sword.


(3) You are NOT a munchkin if your familiar is a black cat.
You MAY be a munchkin if your familiar is an imp.
You ARE a munchkin if your familiar is an intelligent, spell casting Sphere of Annihilation.


(4) You are NOT a munchkin if you can kill an orc in one round.
You MAY be a munchkin if you can kill a tribe of orcs in one round.
You ARE a munchkin if you can kill Orcus in one round.


(5) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a half-orc.
You MAY be a munchkin if you play a half-elf.
You ARE a munchkin if you play a half-tarrasque.


***You know, this sounds really funky. I must give it a go next time I find a DM dumb enough to let me play it.***


(6) You are NOT a munchkin if you have a Decanter of Endless Water.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have a Rod of Treasure Detection.
You ARE a munchkin if you have a Ring of Infinite Wishes.


(7) You are NOT a munchkin if you have a Potion of Plant Control.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have a Potion of Giant Control.
You ARE a munchkin if you have a Potion of DM Control.


***Otherwise known as giving the DM a bottle of Famous Grouse before the game.***


(8) You are NOT a munchkin if you say... "Wow... I've never even heard of that magic item..."
You MAY be a munchkin if you say... "Those are great... too bad I used up the other one I found"
You ARE a munchkin if you say... "Put it in the bag with the other ones..."


(9) You are NOT a munchkin if you mourn a character's death.
You MAY be a munchkin if you don't mourn a character's death.
You ARE a munchkin if you don't understand the concept of charcter death.


(10) You are not a munchkin if you know of a Wand of Wonder.
You may be a Munchkin if you use a Wand of Wonder.
You are a munchkin if you MADE a Wand of Wonder.


(11) You are not a munchkin if you enjoy adventuring in towns.
You may be a munchkin if you don't enjoy adventuring in towns.
You are a munchkin if you enjoy removing towns from the map.


(12) You are not a munckin if your favourite AD&D weapon is a Rapier.
You may be a munchkin if your favourite AD&D weapon is a Vorpal Sword.
You are a munchkin if your favourite AD&D weapon is a shotgun.


(13) You are not a munchkin if you make characters up for enjoyment.
You may be a munchkin if you make characters up for something to do.
You are a munchkin if you make characters up to use up all the 18's you "rolled".


(14) You are not a munchkin if you based a character on Catti-Brie.
You may be a munchkin if you based a character on Drizzt do-Urden.
You are a munchkin if you based a character on Lloth.


(15) You are not a munchkin if you own many AD&D supplements.
You may be a munchkin if you own ALL AD&D supplements.
You are a munchkin if you owned all AD&D supplements before you started playing AD&D.


(16) You are not a munchkin if you fear the Tarrasque.
You may be a munchkin if you defeated the Tarrasque.
You are a munchkin if you domesticated the Tarrasuqe.


(17) You are not a munchkin if you haggle over the price of a room.
You may be a munchkin if you haggle over the price of the Inn.
You are a munchkin if you don't need to haggle over the price of the Inn.


(18) You are not a munchkin if you play a Human Cleric.
You may be a munchkin if you play an Elven Bard.
You are a munchkin if you play an Illithid Pscionicist.


(19) You are not a munchkin if you cast Magic Missile.
You may be a munchkin if you cast Chain Lightning.
You are a mucnhkin if you cast Chain Minute Meteors.


(20) You are NOT a munchkin if your heart has been broken by an elf maid.
You MAY be a munchkin if you sword has been broken decapitating a dragon.
Your ARE a munchkin if a Tarrasque has been broken running into you.


(21) You are NOT a munchkin if your bard writes bad poetry.
You MAY be a munchkin if your PC writes Royal Edicts.
You ARE a munchkin if your PC wrote the Bible.


(22) You are NOT a munchkin if your cleric prays to Ilmater.
You MAY be a munchkin if your cleric prays to Bane.
Your ARE a munchkin if Bane prays to your cleric.


(23) You are NOT a munchkin if your PC dreams of someday meeting Elminster.
You MAY be a munchkin if your PC dreams of someday being Elminster.
You ARE a munchkin if your PC vaguely remembers killing Elminster.


(24) You are NOT a munchkin if your fighter is a Peasant Hero.
You MAY be a munchkin if your fighter is a Samurai.
You ARE a munchkin if your fighter is a Cavalier.


(25) You are NOT a munchkin if your mage has 20 Charisma.
You MAY be a munchkin if your mage has 20 Dexterity.
You ARE a munchkin if your mage has 20 Strength.


(26) You are NOT a munchkin if you quest to kill young red dragons.
You MAY be a munchkin if you quest to kill ancient red dragons.
You ARE a munchkin if you randomly encounter ancient red dragons.


(27) You are NOT a munchkin if you wield two daggers.
You MAY be a munchkin if you wield two scimitars.
You ARE a munchkin if you wield two halberds.


(28) You are NOT a munchkin if you ride a mule.
You MAY be a munchkin if you ride a heavy warhorse.
You ARE a munchkin if you ride a Nightmare.


(29) You are NOT a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a big ball!".
You MAY be a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a ball with tentacles and eyes!"
You ARE a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a Beholder, and it's eyes do death ray, disintegrate, color spray...."


(29a)You are not a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a ball with tentacles and eyes!"
You MAY be a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a Beholder, and it's eyes do death ray, isintegrate, colour spray...."
You ARE a Munchkin if you say "It's a Beholder and now I can make wands that do death ray, disintegrate, color spray...."


(30) You are not a munchkin if you play a human enchanter.
You might be a munchkin if you play an elven invoker with the maximum number of fireballs allowed.
You are a munchkin if you play a vampire transmuter/necromancer/invoker/abjurer/enchanter/illusionist.


(31) You are not a munchkin if you wear chainmail+1.
You might be a munchkin if you wear platemail+10. ***D&D, not AD&D***
You are a munchkin if you prefer a tank to armor.


(32) You are not a munchkin if you flee from beholders.
You might be a munchkin if you launch acid arrows at beholders at close range.
You are a munchkin if you launch ice storms at beholders at close range.


(33) You are not a munchkin if you prefer leather armor over chainmail.
You might be a munchkin if you cast detect magic on every armor you have found.
You are a munchkin if you design a spell that tells you how many plusses a magic suit of armor has.


(34) You are not a munchkin if you like improved invisibility spells.
You might be a munchkin if you prefer only 9th level spells.
You are a munchkin if you prefer to design your own 90th level spells.


(35) You are not a munchkin if you think your party could destroy a lich.
You might be a munchkin if you think you could beat a lich singlehandedly.
You are a munchkin if you think you could beat a dracolich singlehandedly.


(36) You are not a munchkin if you post messages about fighting tarrasques on Usenet.
You might be a munchkin if you design a webpage on how to beat tarrasques.
You are a munchkin if you can't figure how to get Usenet and WWW over your Nintendo.


(37) You are not a munchkin if you like a good brawl with a group of orcs on occasion.
You might be a munchkin if you enjoy a good brawl with a group of vampires on occasion.
You are a munchkin if you get bored with brawling with a family of shadow dragons.


(38) You are not a munchkin if you think Raistlin Majere is the world's greatest mage.
You might be a munchkin if you think you are the world's greatest mage.
You are a munchkin if you never really considered you might not be the world's greatest mage.


(39) You are not a munchkin if your familiar is a frog.
You might be a munchkin if your familiar is a dragon.
You are a munchkin if your familiar is Nuitari.


(40) You are not a munchkin if you play AD&D with the core books only.
You might be a munchkin if you play AD&D with all the player and DM option books.
You are a munchkin if you play AD&D with real weapons and LSD in a steam tunnel.


(41) You are not a munchkin if your favorite magic item is your cloak of elvenkind.
You might be a munchkin if your favorite magic item is your ring of wishes.
You are a munchkin if your favorite magic items are all ten of your Orbs of Dragonkind.


(42) You are NOT a Munchkin if your mage has a Spellbook
You MAY BE a Munchkin if your mage has several Spellbooks
You ARE a Munckin if your mage has Elminster's Spellbooks


***(alternate) You ARE a Munchkin if your mage doesn't NEED a Spellbook***


(43) You are NOT a munchkin if you *slay* a drow
You MAY BE a munchkin if you *play* a drow
You ARE a munchkin if you play a drow who's retained his/her innate abilities on the surface, weild two swords in battle, and get 63 attacks per round


(44) You are NOT a munchkin if you've seen Elminster's Tower
You MAY BE a munchkin if you've been in Eliminster's Tower
You ARE a munchkin if you live in Elminster's Tower


(45) You are NOT a munchikin if you cast cantrip to clean a room
You MAY be a munchikin if you cast unseen servant to clean a room
You ARE a munchikin if you cast wish to clean a room


(46) You are NOT a munchikin if you have never spoken to your diety
You MAY be a munchikin if you've spoken once with your diety
You ARE a munchiokin if you have your dieties cell phone number


(47) You are NOT a munchikin if you have no 18's
You MAY be a munchikin if you have one or two 18's
You ARE a munchikin if 18 is your *lowest* stat


(48) You are NOT a munchkin if you've *found* a few magic items.
You MAY be a munchkin if you've *bought* a few magic items.
You ARE a munchkin if you've *sold* a few magic items.


(49) You are not a munchkin if you find an artifact.
You might be a munchkin if you use an artifact regularly.
You are a munchkin if you got tired of your artifact*s* long ago, so you ordered Odin to make you a new one.


(50) You are NOT a munchkin if your party has seen few magical items by 5th level
You MAY be a munchkin if your party has seen many magical items by 5th level
You ARE a munchkin if your party has seen all magical items by 5th level


(51) You are NOT a munchkin if your corpse is animated.
You MAY be a munchkin if your corpse is resurrected.
You ARE a munchkin if all of your characters remove a toe to be used for resurrection in case your body can't be recovered.


(52) You are NOT a munchkin if your 3rd level character finds a Ring of Warmth.
You MAY be a munchkin if your 3rd level character finds a Bag of Holding.
You ARE a munchkin if your 3rd level character finds a Deck of Many Things.


(53) You are NOT a munchkin if your character has a keep.
You MAY be a munchkin if your character has an island palace.
You ARE a munchkin if your character has an other-dimensional realm.


(54) You are NOT a munchkin if you've heard of an artifact...and fear it.
You MAY be a munchkin if you've found an artifact...and used it.
You ARE a munchkin if you've inherited an artifact...and traded up.


(55) You are NOT a Munchkin if your name is Bob the Plain
You Might be a Munchkin if your name is Belthar The Stupendous
Your Are a Munchkin if your name is Gandalf The White


(56) You are NOT a munchkin if you kill a kobold to get the last xp for a level
You MIGHT be a munchkin if you kill a dragon to get the xp needed to go up a level
You ARE a munchkin if you set out to "Clean a level of the Abyss" to gain a level


(57) You are NOT a munchkin, if your name is stupid bob
You MIGHT be a munchkin, if your name is bob the stupendous
You ARE DEFINATELY a munchkin, if your name is Stupendous Man, a.k.a. Calvin


(58) You are NOT a munchkin if you have a wand of fire.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have a staff of wizardry.
You ARE a munchkin if each of your apprentices carries a golfbag of wand and staves.


(59) You are NOT a munchkin if your cleric is over 10th level.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have an expensive temple built for you.
You ARE a munchkin if the maintenance costs on your temple exceed the GNP of Germany.


(60) You are not a munchkin if you think a tanar'ri is something you don't want to meet on a dark night.
You might be a munchkin if you think an occasional tanar'ri is good for racking up experience.
You are a munchkin if you think tanar'ri pelts run far too expensive for the little effort you put into acquiring them...


(61) You are not a munchkin if your elven fighter has elven chainmail+1.
You might be a munchkin if your dwarven cleric has elven chainmail +3.
You are a munchkin if your human fighter has infravision, can detect secret doors, and can cast spells...


(62) You are not a munchkin if you wear Plate Mail.
You may be a munchkin if you wear Elven Full Plate +5, and you're a halfling.
You are a munchkin if you wear Ancient Gold Wyrm Dragonskin Armor +5, and you are a Grey Elf Bladesinger.


(63) You are NOT a munchkin if your 5th LvL party sees an ancient black dragon and says "Run away!"
You MAY be a munchkin if your 5th lvl party sees an ancient black dragon and says "We'll probably all die but think of the glory,treasure and fame if we succeed in ambushing and killing it!"
You ARE a munchkin if your 5th level party sees an ancient black dragon and says "Been there, done that!"


(64) You ARE a munchkin if you're the lovechild of Elminster and The Simbal.


(64a)How about this for the previous 2 steps on # 64?
You ARE NOT a munchkin if you're a low level diviner
You MIGHT be a munchkin if you're a high level invoker


(64b)You Might be a munchkin if you're a high level fighter/invoker


(65) You Are NOT a Munchkin if Your Race is Halfling
You May be a Munchkin if Your Race is Troll
You Are a Munchkin if Your Race is Q


(66) You are NOT a Munchkin if you roll 3d6 for characteristics
You May be a Munchkin if you roll 4f6 12 times, and take the highest 6
You Are a Munchkin if you roll characteristics in such a way as to have a 1 in 15 chance of an 18.


(67) You are not a munchkin if your characters are of all different classes.
You may be a munchkin if your characters are usually the same class.
You ARE a muchkin if the only difference between your characters is the name.


(68) You might be a munchkin if you ask your DM for a SECOND Pit Fiend familiar.


(69) You are NOT a munchkin if, when you meet an ancient red dragon you scream and run away
You MAY be a munckin if, when you meet an ancient red dragon you hide till it leaves then run away with all the treasure you can carry
You ARE a munchkin if you walk up to an ancient red dragon and tell him "look, give me your treasure or I'll skin you alive"


(69a)You are NOT a munchkin if you do this (#69 - last) and end up as dragon steak.


(69b)You are the mother of all munchkins if you walk up to an ancient red dragon and tell him "look, give me your treasure or I'll skin you alive" And the dragon listens.


(70) You are NOT a munchkin if your character learns from experience.
You MAY be a munchkin if your character doesn't need experience.
You ARE a munchkin if experience learns from your character.


(71) You are NOT a munchkin if you fight for your kingdom.
You MAY be a munchkin if you fight against your kingdom.
You ARE a munchkin if your kingdom fights for you.


(72) You are NOT a munchkin if you own a sword +1.
You MAY be a munchkin if you own a sword +5.
You ARE a munchkin if you created a sword +5.


***(NB. This actually happened in my campaign once - on mystara, Jasaper, Broadsword +5, Wish once per year, adamantite blade, +7 vs Demons, the Eye of Traldar fixed on the pommell... MUNCHKIN GAME!)***


(73) You are NOT a munchkin if you are scared of Meteor Swarm.
You MAY be a munchkin if you can cast Meteor Swarm.
You ARE a munchkin if the creatures you're fighting are immune to Meteor Swarm.


(74) You are NOT a munchkin if you journey to other kingdoms.
You MAY be a munchkin if you journey to other planes.
You ARE a munchkin if you journey to other campaigns for dinner with their gods.


(75) You are NOT a munchkin if your character wears plate armour.
You MAY be a munchkin if your character wears plate armour +5.
You ARE a munchkin if your horse wears plate armour +5.


This nifty little file courtesy of alt rec dnd newsgroup on the internet!

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